It's sunny but it's not

We finally have some consistent sunshine today. But along with that came some bad news.

Uncle Bob Chilson passed away this week, which I found out in a text message at 6:30 this morning from Dad. I didn't really get to see Uncle Bob that much through out the year, but without fail I saw him every Labor Day weekend along with the rest of his crew for our annual gathering. I have heard how tough he used to be but like many men I think, he softened up over the years...probably when the grandkids came along. He was fun and I'll always picture him sitting next the fire talking to the other men including Grandpa. That was the hardest part about finding out Uncle Bob died. Like I said I didn't see or know him that well, but what I do remember are fond memories of being down back which also take me to my Grandpa and how much I miss him. And now with things going on with Grandma, it's hard to see a silver lining these days.

Dad has had a busy day of keeping me updated with the family. First it was the text at 6:30. Then on my way to lunch he called and said G'ma fell last night. At that time, they didn't think anything was wrong. The staff at the nursing home got her up every two hours throughout the night to make sure there was no neurological damage, so she was pretty beat today. Then a couple hours later the nursing home called Dad and said they would be sending her to University Hospital because they thought her halo may have moved. My stomach did a somersault at this point. It's hard not to worry. Physically she is one hell of a fighter. It's the mental part that is hard to overcome. I've come to learn I have more Russell mental traits...actually Barber...than I originally thought. I thought that was all on the Millis side, but there are a lot of things in how I feel and think that are similar to this grandmother. And come to find out (just yesterday) her favorite color is red, too!!

It is not easy to accept change especially after 30+ years but it is inevitable. I guess it is appropriate that I am in a class right now about planning and implementing change in an organization. Having to bear change requires looking at the benefits of it - if you can find or believe them.

No leg up today.

Out of Sorts

Misery loves company, so I advise you only read this if you feel shitty and like bitching at the world with me.

The day is winding down and I just felt like posting.

I feel out of sorts these days. It could be because I am getting ready to move again. My apartment is in disarray but I have a somewhat decent mental plan for packing day, which is this Sunday. I have already contacted the necessary participants essential to a move: NiMo, Time Warner, and Verizon so those things are in place. I reserved a Uhaul truck a month ago but they couldn't tell me where and when to a get truck so far in advance so they are supposed to contact a week before moving day. This means I should hear from them this Saturday? I don' t know - I am debating on whether I should just call them tomorrow or wait to hear from them, and if I don't I need to call them on Monday. But is Monday too late? For a while I felt like I didn't worry about things as much as I used to, but now it feels like I am back to those days again of worrying TOO much. I am not even looking forward to it being the weekend. WTF? I honestly think I just know how much work I have to do from now until June for school and it's bogging me down.

I am also tired. I haven't been exercising regularly like I used to because I am doing a lot of school work, hanging out with Paul, going to sporting events, hanging out with friends, blah blah blah . I am in my second to last class of my Master's program, and it actually kind of makes me wonder what the heck I am going to do when it's over. I'll all this extra free time! I hate free time. Well I like it but I'll wonder what the heck should I do then have to come up with something. dammit! Well I have a LONG list of movies to catch up on and it'll be nice to read a novel cover to cover in a decent amount of time.

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I left work for the day so now I am back after my soccer to game to finish what I started. Soccer helped me feel a little better. I stopped to g'ma in the nursing home on my way to the game. It's hard to see her, too in that crazy halo. I can't imagine being 86, breaking my neck and having a metal apparatus screwed to my skull. So what the hell I am bitching about? I don't konw - that's the problem. I know moving is one of the big stressers in life but good God it's not worse than my last move! Someone should just kick me in the ass and yell, in their best Cher voice, "snap out of it." I did get my spare room in order and a bunch of stuff packed up tonight, so it doesn't look like I have no intention of moving.

I am also not looking my best. Why do I feel like I am going through puberty again yet more gray hair and wrinkles around the eyes and laugh lines around my mouth have appeared? My breakouts could make a 15 year old feel better about herself.

I am glad I have the cats - they are entertaining, chasing each other around. Although, even last night I was irritated with them for purring too loud! Hey I was trying to hear what random noises were going on in the apartment, and I wanted to be able to hear if a sneak attack was coming. Turns out the noises were just from the wind. I get so paranoid at night. I used to have a pointed umbrella as my weapon of choice for fighting off non-existent burglars. Seriously, it wasn't a bullet proof shield. What the hell good was it gonna do me? I guess it would have thwarted an attack by a gun...if it was a supersoaker.

Ah that reminds me of summer and softball is right around corner. OMG a good thought. I do still have them!! Yay! What a sigh of relief. On that note I'm going to hit the showers then to bed and hope I have more nice thoughts and better mind set tomorrow. Get a grip krussell!

Leg up!!